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The Hot Mess Portion

September 5, 2011

I’m baaa-aaaaaack! It’s been over a month since I shared the first portion of my bachelorette party with you guys, and that is embarrassing. It’s funny: I really thought that after the wedding, I’d have all the time in the world to blog, cook, play with my pets and do all the other things that I could barely squeeze in while wedding planning. But nope. Turns out all the important things I was pushing aside back then are still here, and they’ve been waiting very patiently for my full attention. But long weekends are wonderful things, so I have returned with more details from my Sex-and-the-City-themed bachelorette party. To see the first post about it, click here.

Now, as you may have seen in my title, this post is about the “hot mess” portion of the evening, and since I’ve been gone so long, I’m a little afraid that you newer ladies who don’t know me very well might see pictures of me licking a street sign and think less of me. So I’m going to throw in a photo from our wedding to kick things off. It’s one of a few teasers we got from our photographers. We are DYING to see the rest!

Photo by Raw Photo Design

Crazy-amazing, right?! God, I love that sky.

All right, now. Back to the hot mess.

So when I left off, I was about to open PRESENTS! I love presents. And as I mentioned, my four bridesmaids had each picked a character from Sex and the City to theme their gift after. First up was Carrie/BM Leah, who got me adorable boy shorts, just like the kind Carrie used to wear while pondering life’s questions at her laptop.

Next was Charlotte/BM Jess, who wrapped up an adorable Anthropologie apron and matching oven mitt with color-coordinated lacy underwear.

That was followed by Samantha/MOH Alisa, and of course, the gift was racy hot pink lingerie. Would you expect anything less?

Miranda/BM Mary Alice was last, and she really stepped outside the box. There were cat-shaped measuring cups to represent Miranda’s love of her cat, Fatty:

There was chocolate cake mix, from the episode when Miranda is sexually frustrated and can’t stop eating cake, and a bottle of dish soap to pour over it when enough is enough. That’s from one of my favorite moments in the entire series. “I know you’re probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend Miranda Hobbes has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You’ll probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic.”

And of course, a lovely ring of condoms (and tea packets), just like the kind Magda arranged for Miranda in her nightstand:

These girls crack me up. After presents were done, we headed out to our first stop, grabbing a quick group shot in front of the hotel. By this time, our friend Sarah had joined us, too.

(Funny story about this photo: Upon seeing it, BM Leah (all the way on the right) exclaimed, “Wait, you guys all did the knee pop! Why didn’t I get the memo about the knee pop?!”)

(In other news, man, MOH Alisa and I are such tramps! Look at the other girls with their classy almost-knee-length skirts, and us in our little teeny dresses. At one point, I drunkenly told MOH Alisa that she looked like a “very, very, very, very expensive hooker.” The other girls were appalled. MOH Alisa took it as a compliment, just the way I meant it.)

I was BEYOND thrilled to find out that our first stop was my favorite restaurant in Atlanta, Fritti. It’s very tough to find good pizza down South (sorry, Southerners: it’s the truth), but this stuff is DELICIOUS. Yum yum yum. I was very happy.

Unfortunately, I was feeling frisky, and made the mistake of ordering some made-up cocktail that ended up being kind of yucky. I think it was Absolut Citron and grapefruit juice or something. Then someone bought me a shot of Patron, which I usually LOVE, but I was so yucked out from my cocktail that I have to admit I didn’t take it like a champ.

Check out my pizza, though! Doesn’t it look amazing?!

After gulping down my shot and my cocktail, plus a couple more, I was ready for the next stop. But of course, we had to stop and take more goofy photos first. This is where things started getting sloppy. They started off innocent enough:

And very quickly slid downhill:

EW. I think my tongue is actually touching the metal.

You’ll notice that in many of these pictures, I’m clutching a pink piece of paper. This was The List.

I am ashamed to say that I failed miserably at completing these tasks. But more on that later. After drinking something called a “Moscow Mule” at a bar across the street, we hopped in a cab.

Our next (and final) stop was Opera, an Atlanta club that doesn’t usually make an appearance on our weekend schedules. I loved that we did something different! On this particular evening, we were looking to go a little crazy, and well, Opera is the place to do it.

Before we started dancing, I attempted to knock out a few items on The List. This guy was writing down marriage advice on a napkin:

Next, my lovely bridesmaids handed me my complimentary champagne AND a fresh cocktail. BM Leah also bought me a shot, but I had no hands, so I tried to pass it back to her, and ended up pouring it all over her dress. Sigh. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. She was a good sport about it though. This guy was a good sport, too, and let me wear his top hat (not pictured):

(Beard added to protect the innocent.)

Somehow, Sarah, MOH Alisa, BM Mary Alice and I all ended up on the pole-dancing platform. Oh, geez. As you can see, though, we were mostly just standing up there giggling.

Later, as we were dancing, in the back of my mind, I was still thinking about The List. I knew I needed a guy to give me a piggyback ride, and I noticed a man giving me The Eye from the bar. In my liquor-addled mind, I remember thinking to myself, “That guy looks like he wants to give me a piggyback ride.” So, I went over and asked him. He was happy to oblige.

I looked at the photos the next morning and realized he looked like the biggest creepster ever to walk the planet, but oh well. All’s well that ends well.

Some time after my impromptu piggyback, we got kicked out of the club (don’t ask) and headed back to the hotel. We played Sex and the City trivia and pigged out on Smartfood, then MOH Alisa removed my false eyelashes for me (I screamed like a stuck pig) and we all fell asleep. This picture pretty much sums up the night:

As does this shot of the demolition site hotel room the next morning:

Oh, what a night. We dragged ourselves out of the hotel room, where I discovered that I had lost my valet parking slip, then somehow made it back to my house. In a display of true wonderfulness, Mr. Panther went out to Waffle House and got us some greasy hangover food, and we watched the Sex and the City movie while we ate and recovered.

A couple days later, MOH Alisa and I happened to visit the Opera website and found out that we had apparently posed for the official photographer. These are some real gems, huh?

Best bachelorette party ever!

Did any of you have a task list at your bachelorette party? How’d you do?

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