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July 2, 2010

So, today is July 2. It is not my wedding day or my anniversary—but it’s the last time I can say that! One year from now, at this very moment, I’ll be hunkering down in the bridal suite, wondering how many people have showed up, if anyone will be late, whether my heels are going to sink into the grass when I walk down the aisle … I’ll have already visited the Westport town hall with Brad to pick up our marriage license, and I’ll be watching the clock as the last hour of my single life slips away.

There are some things I know I’ll be ready for. I’ll be ready to call Brad my husband. I’ll be ready to wear a wedding ring at all times and eager to flash it at any guy who hits on me in a bar. I’ll be ready to share a bank account and gets bills with both our names on them. I’ll be ready to say, “I’m married.” I know I’ll be ready for those things then, because I’m already ready for them now.

There’s just one thing that still gives me pause. I’m absolutely not ready to change my name. I don’t know if I ever will be. I don’t want to do it—I just don’t. It may be silly, but to me, my full name feels like an integral part of who I am. It’s a strong name, and many important people in my life have always referred to me by it. It’s a concrete connection to my dad, who I lost last year and won’t have at my wedding. It seems unfair that on one of the days I’ll probably feel his absence the most, I have to also give up the name that he gave me.

But all things considered, I’ve never really considered not taking Brad’s last name. I do want to share a name with him. I want to proclaim to the world that we’re married and that we’re a family. I want my kids to have the same name as both their parents. And since him taking my name isn’t really an option, and I think hyphenating is just too complicated … I’m just going to have to get over it. I’ll just have to bite the bullet and do it, and feel really sad about it, and then eventually get used to it. And that’s that. I don’t think it’s necessary to give up who you are when you get married, but you do have to make some sacrifices. The bride does, anyway!

So, happy future anniversary to Brad and me. We’re going to be very happy together, and a name is just a name, anyway. Let the official countdown begin!

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Alison permalink
    July 5, 2010 7:17 pm

    As cheesy as this sounds, this entry reminded me a lot about the underlying message in SATC2. Marriage is about making your own rules, making sure you are both happy as a couple, and not letting the way that others perceive your marriage get under your skin. (even though I still think that Carrie and Big’s 2-days-off-a-week thing is stupid….but that’s so not the point).

    No matter what name you take, or what you’re called by your future children’s teachers at parent/teacher conferences, etc. etc., you’ll always be a Shore (more specifically, stephshore04)!! You won’t be giving up your dad’s name or his memory at all, you’ll just be making new memories and taking on an additional name, and I can’t help but think that any dad would be so proud of that, and so proud of you especially, moving down south for love and making such a life for yourself down there!!

    Such an emo comment. Sorry.

  2. July 5, 2010 7:23 pm

    Hahah, this was not emo/cheesy — and I really appreciate you leaving me a thoughtful comment. =) I know that changing your name doesn’t change who you are, but it’s always nice to be reminded of that. PS: Did you like SATC 2??

  3. Alison permalink
    July 5, 2010 8:31 pm

    nooo! i didn’t really like it!! i thought they were all soooo old-seeming. but, i still loved the clothes, etc. obvvvvv.

    • July 6, 2010 1:39 pm

      I was SO disappointed! But sunglasses on a stick can always cheer me up a little bit.

  4. Bianca permalink
    July 13, 2010 12:20 pm

    Sooo — there was an episode of Marriage Ref (excellent television in case you are wondering) where the wife did not want to take her husbands name for professional reasons (she was a radio DJ) … and the couple fought over this.

    Well, Kelly Ripa and Demi Moore were both like — we took our husbands’ names legally but professionally we are still Kelly Ripa and Demi Moore because what we’re known as.

    In the journalism world, you’re known as Stephanie Shore … so you could have the best of both worlds and stick with the Shore at work and in blogging?

    Regardless, whatever you do — as Alison said (and it’s something my mom has always said to me, too) — you will always, always be “Shore” .. that never goes away!

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